July 23, 2009 by tom.

Where to Begin? That’s been one of the questions that have been plaguing me most of my life. I have all of these wild and crazy dreams and then get this wild and crazy notion to follow some of them. Sometimes, I wish my common sense would rule out my inner child obsessed with an unobtainable fantasy world. Anyway, a few months ago, I decided to follow one of my childhood dreams – Owning a Semi truck. It started when I was a kid and dreamt of driving 18 wheelers just like my dad did for his living. Some call it “White Line Fever”, and I guess it still lives inside of me. Well, two months ago, I bought a 1974 International Transtar, from Craig’s List and decided that I would restore it to some sort of worthy driving condition. I took it to CB Kenworth/International in Bangor, Maine and had it checked out and had the mechanics start working on it. First, I had three batteries installed; the truck only came with one. After a thorough check, I was given an interesting list of items to repair. Then, the radiator started leaking and next the radiator was getting a new core. I figured my plan would be to start with the big stuff and then progress to the smaller stuff. That’s my plan so far, after the radiator job; I had the front axle replaced with another one from a 1974 International Paystar. After a few grand on that aspect of the truck, I figured it would be time to bring the truck home but on the last minute, decided to have the oil changed across the street. So on Saturday, after returning from the Pine Tree Chapter of the American Truck Historical Society show in Owls Head, Maine, I drove it across the street to Dysart’s Truck stop to put in some fuel. After that, I drove it over to Dysart’s Service to have the oil changed on Monday. I also asked the service guy there to check the speedometer. It wasn’t working. Tuesday they called me and said the speedometer needed a repair kit. I authorized it and then the next day I called to get the damage and they were unable to fix it. The cable wasn’t broken but one of the gears on the axle that ran the speedometer wasn’t spinning. So they put it back together with a new axle seal. I guess the axle seals have to be replaced every time; you take off one of the Dayton wheels on the front. That makes three new axle seals since last week. Two for the replacement axle and now a second one for the passenger side on the new axle. Well, I picked it up today from Dysart’s, and they said the truck was having trouble starting. Oops, I forgot to say that three of the replacement batteries died last week when the original battery from the truck shorted them out. I got four new batteries last week and now they tell me it won’t start. I did have a little trouble starting it on Saturday, but that was because I was playing with the kill switch. Anyway, I cranked it a few times, pushed in the kill switch and the old Detroit Diesel cranked up. I still have an air leak to fix but I drove the truck back across the street to CB Kenworth. When I put the blinker on to turn left, I had no blinkers. Funny, they were working on Saturday? Before I finish, I also forgot that the driver door now doesn’t open. It’s locked and won’t unlock. So, next week, Vinnie and the guys at CB Kenworth will be fixing the speedometer, lights and the door. I can’t wait for that bill. By the way, this project has cost me about $10,000 including buying the truck, having it transported and the parts and labor to fix it. Thankfully, I’ve managed to pay for it mostly with cash, a little credit and budgeting of my spending with a little savings thrown in for flavor. My adventure in old truck restoration has just started and I plan to write about my adventures, heart breaks and money thrown everywhere as soon as I make it. I know I’m crazy but I would rather follow this dream, then have the dream and do nothing about it. Life is too short and experience is the learning tool that I’m always searching for in my toolbox. Till next time, Tom

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July 10, 2009 by tom.

Last weekend, I worked on organizing my studio and did a little painting. I have been collecting fragments of writings and scraps of paper to be used for collage to be included in my artist book. Lately, I’ve been working only on weekend and my progress is slow but I have to work at my day job during the week and that pays the bills. I hope to start writing on here more. Tom

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June 27, 2009 by tom.

I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been busy with my day job, a new art truck project and visits with family, etc. I have finished a new painting. It’s a picture of an older male nude. I’ve also been on Facebook every day but am getting tired of being chained to it. The novelty hasn’t worn off, it’s just there isn’t much interesting information on there these days. Yes, I’ve kept in touch with some old friends in a virtual world but it doesn’t bring us together in the physical world. Michael Jackson passed away which is a great cultural loss for the world. He broke so many barriers in the music world. I hope he is remembered for his music and dancing. Anyway, I’ll try to write more on here and eventually update my website more. Here are pictures of my latest painting and my 1974 International 4200 that I plan to paint next summer with an angel theme. Til then, Tom

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April 20, 2009 by tom.

It’s been a while, I know since I last updated my blog. I’ve been too busy with work, trying to make art and do household chores. I need an assistant. I’ve come to this conclusion but more on that later. I’ve been painting and working on a few paintings. I’ve also been teaching painting and guitar for Adult Education at night. Looking forward to a break this week. I’m playing around with ideas for my book. I’m at a confused point of having many images and not know what to do with them. My old feelings and thoughts about my place in the gay community are gone from my mind as I’ve matured and changed my way of thinking to a more broad spectrum. I don’t fit into that world even if I am queer and this is my artistic challenge. How to respond to alienation and isolation without trying to be codependent and needy and looking for validation from something that I can not find here in my area of Maine. It only exists in magazines and on the internet but not in real life. Anyway, as Sandy Denny sings Who knows where the time goes . . . , I’m off on another tangent or day in the world. Until we meet again, Tom

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January 5, 2009 by tom.

I’ve been painting again in my studio. Yesterday on my birthday, I spent the morning painting. I’m working on a painting of a monster truck from one of my photos. I’m also working a painting of a wooden artist mannequin. It’s just a portrait of the head and shoulders. I’ve been wanting to paint from real life observation and this is the start of it. I’m enjoying painting and creating without some sort of agenda or trying to depict some abstract concept such as some of my queer related works. Anyway, I’ve got to go to work for my day job and will post some pictures when the new work is complete.

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December 27, 2008 by tom.

Here’s a little piece of writing for my upcoming art book “Bearing Myself”.

December 27, 2008 8:41 am

While wandering in the woods, I saw a white crane in the distance.
It flew in from an unknown place and gracefully navigated itself to a small pond.
I changed my course and was drawn to the beauty of this white crane.
My impression was that its beauty gave off a great energy of wisdom and spirituality.
As I became closer, its energy brought me to it like a magnet. When I got there, it asked me in an irritated tone “Why have you bothered me? I’m taking care of my business”.
I told it of my story of being lost and trying to find my way. It exclaimed “I know your story and unfortunately can not be bothered.” It continued to say “You are not who you think you are, nor will you ever be allowed to join our sacred circle.” I was put off that something so beautiful would attract me yet like the posh country club in the country, It would never allow locals to join. The crane started pointing its feather at me and started to rant about how it has an important job to do and can’t be bothered with lonely people who are tying to find a place to belong. It was working overtime with a limited budget and could not be bothered with petty little people whining because they are lonely. After it continued to show its ugly side going on about doing all of the work for its sacred spiritual circle, I became disenchanted with its sacred circle and its beauty became ugly and I walked away. I continued my journey in the woods a little wiser and feeling inside that the crane knew where my self expressed wound was and took advantage to get to the heart of the matter. It could see through my skin and what I thought was beautiful from a distance became a monster in its physical space.

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December 24, 2008 by tom.

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m on the computer checking email and listening to music; Two things that I seem to do simultaneously these days when I’m multitasking. I’m thinking about an email exchange I had with a person who edits a gay spiritual journey and in trying to communicate my purpose, I seemed to have unleashed the nasty person behind the screen in me and him. Maybe it’s the holidays, I don’t know. It’s impossible to know or guess the person’s world on the other side of the screen. Anyway, he did make some great comments on my capstone essay that have me thinking about a new approach. Maybe I’m not a Bear after all but just a queer man. No more, No less. I’ve got all of these scraps of information and artwork that I’ve been trying to put together into something that I think may make a difference. I really don’t know if it will make a difference after all. It’s like I’m still trying to glue together a broken vessel. At times, I wonder, why I’m drawn to such endeavors. Anyway, I think my project has grown into something else, now that my thinking is starting to change. Bill is down stairs wrapping presents and I’m upstairs for awhile until it’s my turn to wrap.

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November 30, 2008 by tom.

I have been away from Blogging for a long time. I was expressing myself through art and working on my website instead of ranting and raving about my existence or identity. I have also been working on getting my Class A Commercial Driver’s License to be able to drive Combination Vehicles. Also, I’ve been getting ready for Winter and driving school/shuttle bus for Cyr Bus in Bangor, Me. I’ve started working on putting together my imagery for an artist book. I have no deadline for it but during the process of working on my Bear Identity project, I realized that I wanted my work to have a broader appeal artistically than just the narrow aspect of being a Bear. I’ve also come to the realization that physically, I’m a Bear in the Queer world but in the larger world, I’m a man. This is the premise for my future book. Meanwhile, here is an image of one of my latest paintings. It will be included in the project.

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October 24, 2007 by tom.

I enjoyed a great painting session this morning in my studio. I started working again on the “Youth” archetype portrait for Portraits of the Working Man. I also took some picture of the process for the mixed media documentary. I haven’t heard anything from the last Art teacher job that I interviewed for and am still hoping to be a art teacher in the future. I’ll be working another job or two jobs for awhile to pay my bills and also bank up some money for more art supplies. The working man project will be delayed in debuting this year and I’ve moved the debut into next year. Being creative is important to me in many ways including my spirit and I hope to show this process in an interesting visual portrait. Until again, Later, Tom.

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October 11, 2007 by tom.

My new official blog is now located here at Rural Art Blog. I set this site up a few months ago but haven’t gotten back to it. I’ve been too busy trying to find full time work and also work on my artwork. My official site www.thomashudgins.com is being revamped and I have been working in my studio on my Archetypes of the Working Man, documenting the paintings with digital photography. More to come soon. Tom

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