December 27, 2008 by tom.

Here’s a little piece of writing for my upcoming art book “Bearing Myself”.

December 27, 2008 8:41 am

While wandering in the woods, I saw a white crane in the distance.
It flew in from an unknown place and gracefully navigated itself to a small pond.
I changed my course and was drawn to the beauty of this white crane.
My impression was that its beauty gave off a great energy of wisdom and spirituality.
As I became closer, its energy brought me to it like a magnet. When I got there, it asked me in an irritated tone “Why have you bothered me? I’m taking care of my business”.
I told it of my story of being lost and trying to find my way. It exclaimed “I know your story and unfortunately can not be bothered.” It continued to say “You are not who you think you are, nor will you ever be allowed to join our sacred circle.” I was put off that something so beautiful would attract me yet like the posh country club in the country, It would never allow locals to join. The crane started pointing its feather at me and started to rant about how it has an important job to do and can’t be bothered with lonely people who are tying to find a place to belong. It was working overtime with a limited budget and could not be bothered with petty little people whining because they are lonely. After it continued to show its ugly side going on about doing all of the work for its sacred spiritual circle, I became disenchanted with its sacred circle and its beauty became ugly and I walked away. I continued my journey in the woods a little wiser and feeling inside that the crane knew where my self expressed wound was and took advantage to get to the heart of the matter. It could see through my skin and what I thought was beautiful from a distance became a monster in its physical space.

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December 24, 2008 by tom.

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m on the computer checking email and listening to music; Two things that I seem to do simultaneously these days when I’m multitasking. I’m thinking about an email exchange I had with a person who edits a gay spiritual journey and in trying to communicate my purpose, I seemed to have unleashed the nasty person behind the screen in me and him. Maybe it’s the holidays, I don’t know. It’s impossible to know or guess the person’s world on the other side of the screen. Anyway, he did make some great comments on my capstone essay that have me thinking about a new approach. Maybe I’m not a Bear after all but just a queer man. No more, No less. I’ve got all of these scraps of information and artwork that I’ve been trying to put together into something that I think may make a difference. I really don’t know if it will make a difference after all. It’s like I’m still trying to glue together a broken vessel. At times, I wonder, why I’m drawn to such endeavors. Anyway, I think my project has grown into something else, now that my thinking is starting to change. Bill is down stairs wrapping presents and I’m upstairs for awhile until it’s my turn to wrap.

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